crashmebabyonemoretime

"remember when you promised to take me to prom?"

"yes."

"well- are you still going to?"

I like to think of myself as a person of his word. always have. I made a promise while we were together. and us no longer being together didn't negate that. did it? not in my eighteen year old mind. of course, I didn't know she had a new boyfriend either. not yet. so how did that work?- you ask. good question. indeed. it still puzzles me a bit. how can you take your ex to the prom while she's in love with someone else?

solution--- we went on a double date. her idea. me and my ex were one 'couple'. her new boyfriend and her best girlfriend were the other. she even set it up so we took formal pictures together. she posed with me. then she posed with him. wow. I was in shock. I felt a little awkward for myself and for her new boyfriend, who I knew little to nothing about. he seemed like a decent enough chap.

so I didn't really have a date to prom. per se. basically her best friend was my date. no chance of romance there. not my ex's best friend, mind you (that would be next week- I was a good kid). and my ex was pretty wrapped up in her new boy. and everyone was so dressed up I hardly knew them. and I hate punch. except the kind with fresh strawberries and 7up. which wasn't present. how the hell was I supposed to have a sweet time?

so I did what I always do. I found the best dancer in the room and shook my fool booty on the floor with them the entire night. it worked out great, because my ex's new boyfriend was that person. he knew all the same geeky moves I know. he did the same 'prince' slide I like to do. and he even knew a little break dancing. what a dreamy cat. so my date to prom, if we want to get technical here, was my ex girlfriend's boyfriend! my ex girlfriend's boyfriend. isn't that an 80's tongue twister?
___

(from both erik and nettie)(and also from sloop- ed.)
Total volume of music files on my computer:

laptop: broken (so NA I guess). recording CPU: mp3s- 2 G. SD2/AIFF files: 40 G or so.

The last CD I bought was:

stars of track and field- you came here for sunset last year

Songs playing right now:

in van: elliott smith (basement on a hill), wilco (yankee hotel foxtrot), kanye west (college dropout), bright eyes (digital ashes), bright eyes (the other new one)

at work: bjork (all of it), sigur ros (mix), radiohead (mix), postal service (great heights), flaming lips (mix), beth gibbons (w/ rustin man), portishead (mix)

at home: stars of track and field (new EP), rock and roll worship circus (new one), roots (come alive), weezer (weezer)

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

elliott smith- king's crossing

bright eyes- I believe in symmetry

bjork- that 'how am I going to make it right' one off new disc. forget name. makes me cry. luv it.

beth gibbons- whatever the lead off track is. makes me cry. wonderful.

kanye west- jesus walks. kick ass.

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:

pink lemonade diva
grrrrr.baby.
small squirrel
gulnaz
.:a:.

remember peppermint ice cream? with the little chunks of peppermint candy in it? I was staring into a bowl of it. and what a lucky bowl it was. the last ice cream in the house. looking down into it's moistly curved edges and sweet contours I longed to take a bite. the view was delicious. but it could wait. for at least a moment. I was busy, you see. I commanded several armies and they were about to be wiped out. and I didn't care.

my oldest brother was the strategic one. he waged war from a sturdy seat carved from pure intellect. he read the instructions. even the several pages of mundane strategic recommendations. so it was no surprise when his several armies came strutting into afghanistan. confidant. and bubbling with sweet anticipation. it was not unlike the anticipation I had---for the taste of defeat. as he handed me a die I snuck a quick bite. "mmmmmm"

then I rolled a 6, sending one of my brother's armies to the afterlife. his sneer faded not. he was in tune with reality. he knew the odds. then I rolled another 6. "aaaaaah!" he cried. it was a humiliating defeat. and what's worse is he knew I no longer cared. I was beaten several turns ago. my armies were now spread thinly over africa and the middle east. too thinly to wage any sort of attack on anyone. surely I had returned from the kitchen with a bowl of frozen mojo.

"it won't happen again", said he, pushing a fresh supply of bloodthirsty armies into afghanistan. he took up his dice and rolled two fives. and I rolled another 6. "aaaaaaaaah! luck!" I could see the blood forming behind his eyes. and I rolled a 6 again. "damnit!" and again. "naaaaaaah!"

desperation was taking him. his power melting away. I snuck another bite of ice cream. I was skating on lake placid defeating the soviets. I was coming back from 0-3 on the yankees. I was----"roll the die!" I glanced into his entire face. it was grim- hardened by the high stakes of battle. in fact, I was starting to wish the die would come up 1 or 2 , restoring certain peace. "roll it!" and so I took up the die and cast it to the earth. the new earth. the one comprised of nation states. where generals and politicians form borders that cut cultures in half. it's not a lucky world. unless you win. the tumbling die came to rest. and revealed 2 rows of dots---3 dots thick. "faaaaaaaaaaa!"- as his shriek poorly constructed an F-word I saw an object coming at me. it was flying over the earth. and it appeared to be his fist.

"BOOOM!"...

the new stars I saw weren't addorning a flag of victory. nor the republic, for which it stands. they were swaying alone in my head. swimming in a dull hum. "sorry, dude!----didn't mean to connect, dude!". senses returning, I looked down. a steady stream of blood was gushing from my upper lip. and it was landing in my ice cream. such a perfect stream. pouring like hot caramel. it nearly covered the entire bowl.

then I started crying. just sobbing. not for my lip, I had been hit in the face before. and it certainly would not be the last time. nor was I crying for victory. mine were not tears of joy. I really never wanted to rule the world. I desired the sweet flavor of leisure. in mild excess. as to set my stomach into a gentle protest. I only wanted the damned peppermint ice cream. now permanently scarred by war. ruined.

"sorry."

"it's cool. but it was the last bowl of ice cream in the house."

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